I mentioned last week that I’ve been going through quite a few transitions lately. I have to say that that feels like such an understatement. From work to friends to hobbies to relationships to where I’m living to just about any aspect of my life – I’ve been going through some major transitions. This week, I’m just going to go into one of those topics.
I spent a lot time and energy in 2021 and 2022 cultivating queer friendships because I realized that part of the depression I was in was due to feeling lonely and misunderstood. At the beginning of 2023 though, some of those friendships fell apart which led to me isolating from everyone I had surrounded myself with the prior couple of years. The friends that had become family became strangers again and 2023 turned into one of the loneliest years I’ve had.
That same kind of isolation was also felt in my social life surrounding my dance world, which had been a major part of my life for the previous 6 years. One reason for that was that I started to take some little steps away from dance because I was rearranging my priorities in life and my usual dance schedule was falling down my priority list. In addition to that, I started dating a woman who was also in the dance world and she had shared a few major bumps and bruises with some of the people I was closest to. Because of that, my support system was either not there for me or it didn’t really feel safe leaning on them anymore. Feeling less welcome in a world that had been my home for years was a loss that I didn’t even realize hurt as bad as it did until later last year.
It’s pretty wild how much platonic connection and community can change our attitude and life overall. In all of 2023, if I hung out with a friend more than 2 or 3 times, it was an anomaly. I knew it was something that I wanted and needed to do, but my heart just wasn’t quite ready to open up to friendships again. It felt like a year of being in the in between, the liminal, or the transitional space with my social life. I was between feeling lonely and wanting to connect and then also isolating and being too scared to be that vulnerable again. It was a year that made me realize, even more, how incredibly important platonic connection is to me and to human beings as a whole.
We’re not meant to be without platonic connections. Even with the most fulfilling romantic connection or connections in our life, there’s always going to be that space that’s meant for something a little bit different but just as connective and fulfilling. I’ve spent years in the space of avoiding friendships as well as years focusing more on friendships than anything else. Now that we’re stepping into 2024, I’m starting to work back toward cultivating meaningful friendships. I don’t plan on isolating anymore but I also don’t plan on focusing as much of my time and energy on it as I have in the past. After sitting in that liminal space for a year, I’m ready to move forward with some balance of holding that intention while also being flexible on the who, what, when, and where.
I think successfully navigating transitions is all about balance. Jumping head first into something is going to throw off the balance of other things in our lives. So let’s ease our way into the waters of the next step of whatever we’re transitioning through right now. There’s no need to rush. We/You/I just need to stop and take a few deep breaths here and there to ease our nervous systems and allow space to be created in our lives for new things to take shape.
Until next time,
CKB
CKB Coaching, LLC 