At the end of my last post I talked about how important balance is when it comes to successfully navigating transitions. By easing into something new, rather than jumping in head first, we allow other aspects of our lives to acclimate or adapt to that something new.
The thing is… being able to do that is a privilege, or at the very least – lucky. Oftentimes, change slaps us in the face without much of a warning. The changes in my social life and my relationships at the beginning of last year were those kinds of ‘never see it coming’ situations. A change that was less like that and more like a slow burn of a desire for change was where I want to live, what to do for a job, and just what I want my day to day life to look like. By slowly taking steps toward those changes, it’s allowed me to ease into the transitions, not just logistically, but ease into them for my nervous system also.
I’ve spent my entire life (except for one year in high school, which wasn’t by choice) living in Phoenix. I’ve also said that I didn’t think that I could live anywhere else because I do love Arizona and because I’m a big baby when it comes to the cold – I’ve always been over here shivering when the temperature drops below 75 degrees. But in the last few years, I’ve come to realize a few things. One – living in Phoenix isn’t sustainable. This city is in the middle of the desert, with so little water that it doesn’t even make sense that a city exists here. Two – the heat here is legitimately getting worse (or maybe my age is just making the heat take a bigger toll on my body). I spent a month in Portland last summer and came home to weather at or above 120 degrees for more than a week. I seriously questioned why I even came back at that time with every step outside that I took. Three – I’ve lived my entire queer life in fear of the people around me. Phoenix isn’t near the worst city to live in as a visibly queer person but it’s definitely not the best. This is the one that really hits me the most. I didn’t realize the weight of being in a city that isn’t very queer friendly until I spent a month in a city where it wasn’t even the slightest problem. In fact, in Portland it feels like as far as the queer to hetero ratio goes… I’m on the majority side of things. How is that even real? To be in a place where I don’t feel uncomfortable in my own body and where I’m walking down the street with multiple other queer looking and/or identifying people walking around me felt like being in a dream. I never realized how suffocated I felt in Phoenix until I spent that month being somewhere else entirely different.
All of that being said, Phoenix will always have a part of my heart, feel like home, and be where part of my family lives. Luckily I also have family in Portland, it also feels like home in an entirely new and different way, and its stolen a part of my heart very easily. So last year, I decided to figure out a way to spend some of my time in Phoenix AND some of my time in Portland from here on out. My partner and I were both in a position where we were able to make some changes and be able to make that happen so that’s now our plan. We’ll basically be spending summers in Portland and winters in Phoenix… it literally feels like living a dream. Luckily all of that coincided with my decision to take a the biggest step back from my job that I’ve had since I was 15 to pursue becoming a life coach. Being able to work remotely will allow for me to be in both places – and possibly have part time in-person clients in both places. All of that has created such a big shift in my day to day life and what I thought my future would look like but it has all been for the absolute best.
This is one of those big, scary life changes that I’m actually so excited to be able to ease into. I feel so lucky to be able to make this plan work and to have a partner who has been on board with it every step of the way. I can’t even begin to explain how comforting it has been to have such a supportive, adaptive partner through this. From figuring out logistics, to helping make friends and create a community in Portland (and in Phoenix), to being willing to shift things in her life – she really has been amazing throughout all of this. It’s one of those situations where everything really did align at the right time for this to be possible. Without a whole lot of luck, I don’t think that my and our plan would have been possible. I’m so so grateful to have an opportunity to create a life that I didn’t even know I wanted but can’t wait to be living.
Until next time,
Chelsea
CKB Coaching, LLC 