A couple months ago, my therapist told me something that I jotted down during our session. She said that I seem to be gullible for believing that people are in integrity with themselves and are who they say they are.
We see this in social media constantly – doom scrolling our way through other people’s highlights of their lives, comparing our real life to those highlights, and then posting our own highlights. I’m plenty guilty of this. In some of my worst moments, I’ve posted some of the most ‘inspirational’ or most ‘happy’ posts I’ve made. Maybe we post those things to make ourselves feel better about those darker moments in our lives or maybe we just want other people to think that we’re fine when really we’re screaming into the void of ourselves. I think that’s also one of the reasons why I like writing these posts. I’m able to get more out, to feel like I’m showing you guys a little more of who I am than just random posts on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok. Of course this isn’t me in my entirety though – I’d never be able to get that across on here or anywhere other than in my closest relationships.
I think that it’s important to remember that when we are doing the doom scrolling and comparing ourselves to other people’s highlights or doing the posting of our own highlights, to talk to the people closest to us. Stepping out of social media and stepping into the real world, with real people, who really know who we are is where the real depths are reached and where introspection actually happens. Social media isn’t a place where we can actually see other people or where people can actually see us. Can we see or show parts of others or ourselves on it? Absolutely, but that’s not where true human connection lies. That’s not real life.
Now when that discrepancy of who we say we are and who we actually are happens in real life, that’s when it really catches me off guard. I don’t mean with strangers – of course we’re going to not let people who don’t even know us see all sides of us (just like on social media) – but I mean with the people we actually let in. People can only let others in so far before their true selves start to shine through, whether they want that to happen or not. I also think that some people (myself included) struggle with that dissonance between who we think we are and who we actually are – thinking that we are one way, while not quite being true to that character that we wish we could be. On one hand, fake it til you make it – right? On the other, do the damn work to become that person that you want to be.
I’ve been both of those people – faking it til I make it and digging into the depths. I’ve been the person who doesn’t fully see who I am or how what I’m doing doesn’t align with who I want to be or who I think I am. I think one of the reasons why I notice it so much and it bothers me so much in other people is because I’ve been there and I slide back into those spaces from time to time still.
Staying in integrity with myself and my values is something that is super important to me. Does that mean that I don’t have moments when I lack kindness for other people or moments where I get lost in the sauce of life that I lose all sense of being present in my actual life? Absolutely not. I’d like to think that I snap out of those moments quicker than I have in the past with the help of self awareness, therapists, and friends and family who hold me accountable and point out when those kinds of things happen.
I think that the awareness of and intention toward staying true to who I am (and who we are) is one of those things that makes a difference. To be aware of when my actions aren’t aligning with my words or my energy or my intentions and to have the knowledge, willingness, and resources to shift those things when needed are the things that we all should be doing.
So yes, I have a desire to see people for who they present themselves as and maybe that makes me gullible at times. Sometimes that means that I fall into believing other people’s intentions and words are going to align with their actions even when that isn’t actually the case – that includes myself at times also. But are we putting in the work to become re-aligned, are we accessing the resources that we have (even if all we can manage energetically, financially, or scheduling-wise is just listening to the people in our lives who hold us accountable and are real with us), and are we actually making the shifts and the changes to become the people that we want to be, the people that we say that we are, or the people that we tell ourselves we are.
Do the work. Notice when you fall into old patterns. Be honest with other people and with yourself. Makes the changes to be the best version of yourself regularly. That’s all we can really do.
Until next time,
Chelsea
CKB Coaching, LLC 